The 2007 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is so over! Check out the new issue with Lou Piniella and Alfonso Soriano on the cover. This is truly unbelievable. The team with the last-remaining Curse dares to grace the cover of SI?All the money the Cubs spent in the off-season has now been direct-deposited into a huge money pit, never to mature into healthy, productive players again, at least not in 2007. Oh, I can see it now: Lou Piniella wearing a path out to the mound several times a game, having his familiar dialogue:
Piniella: "Are you okay?"
Prior/Wood/Zambrano/Eyre/Lilly: "Yes."
Piniella: "Then, throw the fuckin' ball over the plate!"
Here's what else will happen:
Soriano won't demand to play second base again. He'll demand Lou's job, saying he learned all about managing from watching Joe Torre all those years.
Derrek Lee will narrowly miss being injured again, but he'll be arrested for speaking Japanese to teenagers who knock on his hotel room door.
Jacque Jones will announce his retirement, saying he wants to devote all his time to becoming a lounge singer.
And, finally, Steve Bartman will return from his exile to once again remind Cub Fans that they are, well, Cub Fans.
Have a nice season, guys!
The Lady
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